My Weight Loss History

This is the history of my weight loss thus far. Once I had a job I was happy with and felt productive and relatively sane again, I dropped rapidly to 160 with relatively little effort. I guess I was getting out of the house more and feeling better, so was not engaging in as much emotional eating as before. I also was making enough money to buy good food, fresh food. By April of 2007, I had decided on a course of action concerning my weight and joined a health club. I began by trying to eat healthier, limiting my portions, and working out to the level I was able. These simple changes did take me to 150 in approximately 10 weeks. I began to feel really good. I started to like what I saw in the mirror and was shopping for smaller cloths. I went to visit my family in my home town and everyone commented on how good I looked. It was very encouraging. The trip, however, threw me off my schedule and placed me in the heart of comfort food central, my family.

My weight loss stalled and I never made it below 150. Winter came with a vengeance and I was once again consumed by the pain the cold brought and the depressive lack of light. Northeast Ohio winters are very gray and if we are lucky enough to see sunny clear blue skies, those skies bring bitter, miserable temperatures.

The winter of 2007/2008 was the winter of loss. A very dear friend was lost the day after Thanksgiving and on January 13, 2008, I lost my father. I reached 160, probably higher. I stopped weighing after 160. I just didn’t want to know. My next effort began in March when I decided that my father would not have wanted me to loose ground in the progress I had made overall in my life because of his death. He would have said to find strength and continue on. So I did. I stopped eating my pain and began channeling it into my music. When I began my weight loss efforts again, I had a time goal in mind. The end of July would be my vacation to visit my son in Chicago. I wanted to look good. I wanted him to see a healthy, happy mother. I wanted him to see that mourning did not have to consume one’s life. In reality I think I needed to look like I was okay, so that I could believe I was okay. I made it to 150, but again, could not make it below. We had a good visit. He said I looked good and he was happy I seemed to be doing alright. He had worried about me and the visit seemed to help put my son at ease. Mission accomplished.

I came home to find that while I was away, my Grandfather had died. In six months my mother lost her husband and her father. When it was time for the memorial, I went home to be with her say goodbye to my grandfather. We spent our days enjoying each other’s company. This included many nice lunches and dinners out. We got a hotel room to just commune as friends. There was wine and cheese. It was a wonderful trip and I went home feeling that Mom and I would be okay. I also went home with a couple of extra pounds. Then winter came and the first holiday season without my father.
By January I once again reached 165. I knew I would begin again. It would just take very hard work and discipline to get to 140 before winter came again.

I know that I must reach 140 before winter and have enough time to maintain it so that my metabolism can stabilize. Then if I begin to give into the carb cravings that our winters trigger, I will have a metabolism that can cope and a little wiggle room without getting back up into the danger zone above 150. I call it the danger zone because it becomes a down hill slide. I don’t know if that is metabolic or emotional or a little of both.

It’s July 2nd and I have stalled again at 150. I have looked at my knowledge, tools and discipline and found them to be sound. My math tells me that if I stick with it, I can theoretically meet my goal by my son’s wedding in September and have time to keep it off (even with a visit home) before winter begins. But I must move past this plateau. So this is where I am now. 10 pounds to go. The 10 ugly pounds that keep kicking my ass.